By:style='mso-tab-count:2'> William Ernest Waites

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Every couple of weeks one of my Internet

buddies, who has taken it upon himself to keep the world laughing, sends me an

e-mail list of "Favorite Bumper Stickers." Two of my recent favorites

were "A Day without Sunshine is like... Night." and "If we can

send a man to the moon, why can’t we send them all?"

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>It occurred to me, though, that I seldom see

bumper stickers on cars anymore. Once upon a time, they were one of the most

virulent forms of advertising. You could not drive anywhere without seeing,

"See Rock City." This was "guerilla marketing" back when

the term meant a shopping trip by Che Guevara.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>There are lots of theories about what

happened to bumper stickers. The most logical of which is, when you are paying

$25,000 to $75,000 for a car, you are not going to gum up its finish with a

strip of paper, no matter how clever or commercially successful.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Bumper stickers are one of those weird media,

waiting for someone to invent a way to plaster the nation’s cars with a message

that can be removed without permanent damage to the vehicle. Maybe those static

cling window stickers -- like the ones that proudly proclaim your collegiate

affiliation or that you are "Born to be Bad" -- will take their

place. Why not? As outdoor advertising opportunities disappear, why not pay

people to display your message?

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Speaking of advertising on cars, the latest

new, old wrinkle is paying car owners to have your message painted on their

cars. As they drive around, your advertising message gets exposed to all who

see them. You pay the owner a monthly fee, currently about $250 a month, plus

you provide the paint job. The car owner agrees to keep your message on the car

for the contract period and not to use the car for illegal purposes.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Before we all say, "What will they think

of next?" let’s remember that this idea first showed up in the ‘70s when

Volkswagen beetles were the advertising vehicle of choice. Obviously, it was

just fad then. Will it be more permanent now, with so many communities saying

no to all kinds of permanent signs? Are we all on the verge of living next to a

NASCAR track?

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Incidentally, VW beetles seem to be the

preferred model again in this go around. Must be something about those inverted

bathtubs and the people who drive them.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>That reminds me. What ever happened to bus

advertising? We used to have these beautiful painted fantasies with larger than

life scenes driving around town. A while back Spiro & Waites did a bus

advertisement of a huge, reclining real estate agent. But these types of ads

seem to be diminishing in importance. Some of the old ones are still around and

there are some new ones, but the new ones are being painted only below the

belt. Why? Supposedly, because the opacity of the windows would make it

impossible to see a hijacker if one chose to take hostages on a bus. Golly,

guys, when was the last time someone in Southwest Florida hijacked a bus?

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Of course, the out-of-the-mainstream medium

receiving the most recent press is the advertising placed on the wall above

urinals and inside the stall doors in public restrooms. Talk about a captive

market! No one at a public urinal is looking anywhere but straight ahead --

dead-on into the little poster that advertises some appropriate product. And

when you’re in the "library" with nothing to read, you can’t help but

study that poster on the stall door. Come to think of it, with the way our

society is going, what product or service isn’t appropriate for advertising in

the toilet?

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>How long before we have flat-screen monitors

imbedded in the walls, with rotating messages or mini-video commercials?

Unlikely? Don’t be so sure. People who bet against the future tend to end up

all wet.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Now, for a medium that is a little more

uplifting, how about parasails? A French company, Equipe Europe’ene Paramoteur,

will apply your brand name or short message to the underside of a motorized

parasail and fly around the venue of your choice. Since the

"aeronauts" are under power they can stay in the air for longer than

an hour, hover, double back, swoop low, create formations, even land and give

rides. And they can even do it at night with lights illuminating the message.

What a fresh way to get the public to look to your brand! This is not only an

advertising vehicle, it also would make a great event. (In Europe, they even

fly with fireworks cascading from their feet.)

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Perhaps the most anti-establishment advertising

out there, however, is the corner "garage sale" sign. I don’t mean

the ones for legitimate garage sales. I’m talking about the ones that say

"Earn Money At Home. $100,000/Year Part-Time. 1-800-000-0000." Aside

from the fact that the only way to make that kind of money at home part-time is

in cattle futures, these little signs work. Of course, they’re illegal. The

police will confiscate them on sight. But they’re so cheap to put up that

unscrupulous people (and politicians) use them very effectively.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>If you can identify your prospect target

group with some precision, you can reach them with another off-the-wall medium.

This one is on the back. And on the chest. For very few dollars you can have

T-shirts printed with your message and pay people to wear them in places you

want to be seen. Advertising your restaurant via occupied T-shirts at a

downtown block party could direct a lot of diners and drinkers to your place.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>More permanently, you can buy sponsorships

that allow you to place your signage in places where your customers gather. Sun

Splash Family Waterpark in Cape Coral sells sponsorship packages that will

place your name on everything from a giant slide to the tubes that slide down

it.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>For an advertising snapshot, you can give (or

sell) single-use cameras to your customers that will imprint your message on

every exposure. Imagine your customer showing friends the vacation photos with

"I’d rather be on Fort Myers Beach" or "This picture was taken

at DiamondHead" imprinted on them.

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>A South African taxi service bought the

bottoms of the glasses in a tavern and placed this message in them: "If

you’ve read this number three times, call it. 725-3333. Rose Taxis."

Virgin Airlines sent a stilt-walker through the Johannesburg Airport with a

sandwich board advertising "more legroom."

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>Plastic bags that keep you morning newspaper

dry are a good way to get special attention in an otherwise cluttered medium.

What if a pet store said, "When you’re dog is eating well, use this to

pick up after it." Or, consider the wrap-around sleeve that CNN put around

issues of USA Today -- "You could have seen this news yesterday. On

CNN"

style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>So, if you apply as much imagination to where

your advertising appears as you do to what it says, you may find that a little

bit of money can buy a very big impression.

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style='mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'>William Ernest Waites is the former chairman

and co-creative director of Spiro & Waites Advertising, Marketing and

Public Relations. In a previous life, he held senior creative and management

positions with Young & Rubicam and Ogilvy & Mather.