Grace Under Pressure

Q: My job requires that I go to networking events, but I feel awkward and have difficulty mingling. How can I make these events less painful and more productive?

Amanda Evans, an organizational behavior consultant with R. M. Evans Group of Fort Myers, says this is common. She suggests that the first thing an individual should do is step into a role. "It's like acting," she notes.

Mentally prepare by asking yourself why you are going to this event. It could be to increase visibility, network with other professionals or satisfy bosses' expectations. Once you establish your purpose for going, then you can decide what part to play.

Shy people don't have a natural inclination for playing a part. "It's a fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of thing," Evans says.

She also suggests techniques to be remembered as a strong, confident individual. "A firm handshake is a sign of confidence, so practice on friends or family and say, 'How's my handshake?' Eye contact is also important when shaking hands," Evans says.

"When you are introduced [to someone], repeat [his or her] name six times in your head," she adds. "Studies show [this technique] helps you create an image connected with that name."

Most important is to ask people to talk about themselves. It takes the focus off of you, and people like talking about themselves. "It's perfect for a shy person," Evans says.

Q: My partner and I strongly disagree about the direction our project should go. We often leave the conference room frustrated and doubting each other's ability. Is this partnership doomed?

A successful approach to this kind of conflict requires some understanding of your adversary's motivation-and your own, says Ava Fluty, a Fort Myers consultant. She recently led a workshop on the topic of how to disagree without anger at Florida Gulf Coast University's Florida Institute of Government.

The number one misstep that keeps people at each other's throats is taking the position of "here's what I want," Fluty says. If instead you focus on your interest in an idea-why it could bring the project in on budget and before deadline, for instance-you may find that your colleague and you have more in common than you currently think.

"The position-based approach is a win-lose situation in which compromises are impossible and anger escalates. The interest-based approach leads to a fair-fair settlement that is more likely to preserve the parties' relationship," Fluty says.

If the root of conflict, however, is doubt about a colleague's ability to perform, you may need more than an interest-based approach to communicating in order for the partnership to thrive.

"When someone violates performance expectation, the team's interdependence is broken and conflict occurs," Fluty says.

Her advice: Get back on track by sticking to the facts, not the emotions, involved in a project. Re-identify goals, clarify expectations and commitments, and accept that others might have a different view-but not necessarily a wrong view.

"Don't take conflict personally," Fluty says. "It is not personal until you take it personally."