Grace Under Pressure

Q: My job requires that I go to networking events, but I feel awkward and have difficulty mingling. How can I make these events less painful and more productive?  

Amanda Evans, an organizational behavior consultant with R. M. Evans Group of Fort Myers, says this is common. She suggests that the first thing an individual should do is step into a role. "It's like acting," she notes.

Mentally prepare by asking yourself why you are going to this event. It could be to increase visibility, network with other professionals or satisfy bosses' expectations. Once you establish your purpose for going, then you can decide what part to play.

Shy people don't have a natural inclination for playing a part. "It's a fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of thing," Evans says.

She also suggests techniques to be remembered as a strong, confident individual. "A firm handshake is a sign of confidence, so practice on friends or family and say, 'How's my handshake?' Eye contact is also important when shaking hands," Evans says.

"When you are introduced [to someone], repeat [his or her] name six times in your head," she adds. "Studies show [this technique] helps you create an image connected with that name."

Most important is to ask people to talk about themselves. It takes the focus off of you, and people like talking about themselves. "It's perfect for a shy person," Evans says.

Q: My partner and I strongly disagree about the direction our project should go. We often leave the conference room frustrated and doubting each other's ability. Is this partnership doomed?

A successful approach to this kind of conflict requires some understanding of your adversary's motivation-and your own, says Ava Fluty, a Fort Myers consultant. She recently led a workshop on the topic of how to disagree without anger at Florida Gulf Coast University's Florida Institute of Government.